Jaded and tired
Feeling quite down these few days, think its course of the workload. For all that i have been complaining abt productivity ... lol, i also dunno. Its not as if i have that much more work, on fact i have less than those with labs. But its also that i tend to wait till the last minute to do stuff, so things tend to pile up. And with finals week coming, it means that everything would be crashing down ... 2X 8 pages of essay on goodness knows what, 2X finals which would be long and hard ... and all to be done within the first 3 days. And my DRP presentation which would need to be planned for, and the maths preparatory reading i have to do.
Thats what happens when u live life day to day like i do. 1 slow plodding day at a time, when things just happen from minute to minute, second to second. You miss the general overview, the big picture, the goal that u're heading towards. Caught up in the nitty gritty details of life, attempting to scavage for subsistence agriculture. What's my goal? don't have one. need 1 to start motivating myself ... what do i want to do in future? Can no longer let the future decide, need to know soon. but how? Missing the tree for the leaves, dun even talk abt the forest.
cant wait for spring break, then would be able to reast and relac, and hopefully throw all thiese worries out of my mind. Steve commented that he 'wants to be a kid again' so do i, so do i. But thats almost imposible now. He has this werid idea how going to a restaurant to eat makes him fell all grown up nowadays, lol. Maybe, its in the tiny things that we do that distinguish us from brats. (oh brats, someone recently used the word Trinity again, and that brought back such fond memories. A chapter of my life thats closing)
It would seem that 10 weeks seems just abt right for a quarter, considering how im always so tired out towards the end. have gotten somewhat homesick, well thats not the exact word im looking for, but cant find a better alternative. Next quarter doesn't seem all that much better compared to this quarter, my scheduling is a mess as usual. 20 hrs of class ... oh gosh, and none of them are labs ...
I should cut myself some slack, but that would be hard. Am i too demanding of myself? A fren is happy enough to stay above average in all classes, but i know that that would never sit well with me. That lil voice inside is always crying out for that extra effort, that extra push that would distinguish oneself. What makes it worse is that i feel that anything is possible given enough time and effort ... And when im not willing to put in that time and effort, what happens? i slash my arms for that (no, not literally)
I mean, i dont really have that much to complain abt anyway. well, except for my essay writing which takes up hell load of time ... i barely put in any time for hon anal nowadays, haven read the textbook for a long time. Beauty world, also not doing much, its just 1-2 trips more to get stuff, compared to the ongoing rehearsals. DRP, lol, do all my reading on sat or sun morning, when the meeting is in sun aft. Music, stopped listening (oh shit, theres a listening quiz next thurs) Econ, i do most of my homework and textbook reading in class lol ...
yesterday was a slack day, did like 2 hrs of work, then lazed ard of the rest of the day. Watched 4 hrs of a series, played 250 freecell games (OMG, thats a hell lot, but hei, im jaded) Din accomplish much, din really feel much better either. Today aiant that much better, just that thursday is a busy day as always. Hopefully my machinery can get up and running soon.
Guess i just wanna say im tired, so tired. So give me a smile when u see me next, light up my life.
P.S. I changed the commenting such that anyone can comment, no need to be a blogspot member. can someone drop me a line abt how to add tagboard and stuff to my sidebar? But then again, not like i expect my viewship to be high, think can count on 1 hand. hm, make that 2 hands. Those that i know of at least, not some random wanderer.
Thats what happens when u live life day to day like i do. 1 slow plodding day at a time, when things just happen from minute to minute, second to second. You miss the general overview, the big picture, the goal that u're heading towards. Caught up in the nitty gritty details of life, attempting to scavage for subsistence agriculture. What's my goal? don't have one. need 1 to start motivating myself ... what do i want to do in future? Can no longer let the future decide, need to know soon. but how? Missing the tree for the leaves, dun even talk abt the forest.
cant wait for spring break, then would be able to reast and relac, and hopefully throw all thiese worries out of my mind. Steve commented that he 'wants to be a kid again' so do i, so do i. But thats almost imposible now. He has this werid idea how going to a restaurant to eat makes him fell all grown up nowadays, lol. Maybe, its in the tiny things that we do that distinguish us from brats. (oh brats, someone recently used the word Trinity again, and that brought back such fond memories. A chapter of my life thats closing)
It would seem that 10 weeks seems just abt right for a quarter, considering how im always so tired out towards the end. have gotten somewhat homesick, well thats not the exact word im looking for, but cant find a better alternative. Next quarter doesn't seem all that much better compared to this quarter, my scheduling is a mess as usual. 20 hrs of class ... oh gosh, and none of them are labs ...
I should cut myself some slack, but that would be hard. Am i too demanding of myself? A fren is happy enough to stay above average in all classes, but i know that that would never sit well with me. That lil voice inside is always crying out for that extra effort, that extra push that would distinguish oneself. What makes it worse is that i feel that anything is possible given enough time and effort ... And when im not willing to put in that time and effort, what happens? i slash my arms for that (no, not literally)
I mean, i dont really have that much to complain abt anyway. well, except for my essay writing which takes up hell load of time ... i barely put in any time for hon anal nowadays, haven read the textbook for a long time. Beauty world, also not doing much, its just 1-2 trips more to get stuff, compared to the ongoing rehearsals. DRP, lol, do all my reading on sat or sun morning, when the meeting is in sun aft. Music, stopped listening (oh shit, theres a listening quiz next thurs) Econ, i do most of my homework and textbook reading in class lol ...
yesterday was a slack day, did like 2 hrs of work, then lazed ard of the rest of the day. Watched 4 hrs of a series, played 250 freecell games (OMG, thats a hell lot, but hei, im jaded) Din accomplish much, din really feel much better either. Today aiant that much better, just that thursday is a busy day as always. Hopefully my machinery can get up and running soon.
Guess i just wanna say im tired, so tired. So give me a smile when u see me next, light up my life.
P.S. I changed the commenting such that anyone can comment, no need to be a blogspot member. can someone drop me a line abt how to add tagboard and stuff to my sidebar? But then again, not like i expect my viewship to be high, think can count on 1 hand. hm, make that 2 hands. Those that i know of at least, not some random wanderer.
posted by calvinlinzw at
4:39 PM
1 Comments:
... because you see, I've been waiting for ages for the opportunity to comment on your blog, having held out for years against signing up for The Evil That Is Blogspot (TM).
I wish I could be content to stay above average in classes to, to learn for its own sake and its own joy, and pursue whatever happened to strike my fancy.
Unfortunately, I have grades to maintain, requirements to keep and a bond to serve.
Oh well... have fun with spring break. And trust me, 2 semesters times 15 weeks is much more relaxing, IMHO.
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Anonymous, at 9:27 AM
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