sibei sianz
sianz, sibei sianz today, also dunno why like that ... this is only 2nd week, i cant possibly be burning out ... but the symptons are there. Slept for 2 hrs in the afternoon today, yet din feel any better after that ... went for beauty world rehearsal and was really tired throughout it.
Rehearsal was quite good though, at least according to what the directors said ... i know i missed quite a few of my props cues, heart wasnt really there today, sry andy. or rather, to the entire team there ... hopefully tomolo would be better, though i highly doubt it.
Sigh ... its such a drain of resources. All the masks that have to be layered on and over, to present a side of me that so not true. A side that doesn't seem to care, doesn't seem to bother, yet the make-up is cracking already on the surface. Sue, if theres the remote chance you're reading this, i take back what i said about 1 night. 1 quarter aiant even cutting it.
sometimes its easier just not to care, to be able to just let go of all my cares and worries, to heck care with my studies, with my responsibilities, with this, with that ... sometimes i envy those who just don't seem to care, that carefree attitude, that 'who the hell cares' manner ... Here i am, a control freak, things have to go according as planned, not a detail left out of the way (but well, i do deal with changes too, just not very satisfactorily), tick tock, clockwork. I'd attempt to tie down loose ends, make sure things go smoothly ... Though theres a loose end out there flying in the wind. And just as the wind catches the kite, the string lengthens and lengthens. Is there a point now in doing anything? Or should i just cut the string and let the kite fly away.
And today, i did almost just that. Not care. But that just isn't me. Deep down inside, though i was so sianz, my brain kicked into auto mood, the gears started churning, the plans were set into motion. And that was exhausting. The part that wanted to care fighting the part that didn't
Spent some time reading frens blogs and lurking ard. Discovered some other fren's blogs, and discovered some things about them. Its interesting aiant it, how reading a blog tells you more about some people than you would ever hear from them. Scary too. I wonder what my blog reveals about me. The many contradictory attidudes and opinions that i hold? The numerous coverups and touchups? The cracks in the walls and the fissures in the earth? Hiding behind the facade and front that is portrayed.
No longer prepared to face the world, no longer wanting to face the world. Let me hide here, in my room, in my shell, in this cocoon.
And no, im not suffering from a nervous breakdown. Give me time, all will be well.
Its interesting how fast my mood can swing from extreme euphoria to depths of darkness. I claim PMS and this girl tells me not to mock them. Interesting, first time i heard such a response. Wanted to, but din. Make a comment that is.
Rehearsal was quite good though, at least according to what the directors said ... i know i missed quite a few of my props cues, heart wasnt really there today, sry andy. or rather, to the entire team there ... hopefully tomolo would be better, though i highly doubt it.
Sigh ... its such a drain of resources. All the masks that have to be layered on and over, to present a side of me that so not true. A side that doesn't seem to care, doesn't seem to bother, yet the make-up is cracking already on the surface. Sue, if theres the remote chance you're reading this, i take back what i said about 1 night. 1 quarter aiant even cutting it.
sometimes its easier just not to care, to be able to just let go of all my cares and worries, to heck care with my studies, with my responsibilities, with this, with that ... sometimes i envy those who just don't seem to care, that carefree attitude, that 'who the hell cares' manner ... Here i am, a control freak, things have to go according as planned, not a detail left out of the way (but well, i do deal with changes too, just not very satisfactorily), tick tock, clockwork. I'd attempt to tie down loose ends, make sure things go smoothly ... Though theres a loose end out there flying in the wind. And just as the wind catches the kite, the string lengthens and lengthens. Is there a point now in doing anything? Or should i just cut the string and let the kite fly away.
And today, i did almost just that. Not care. But that just isn't me. Deep down inside, though i was so sianz, my brain kicked into auto mood, the gears started churning, the plans were set into motion. And that was exhausting. The part that wanted to care fighting the part that didn't
Spent some time reading frens blogs and lurking ard. Discovered some other fren's blogs, and discovered some things about them. Its interesting aiant it, how reading a blog tells you more about some people than you would ever hear from them. Scary too. I wonder what my blog reveals about me. The many contradictory attidudes and opinions that i hold? The numerous coverups and touchups? The cracks in the walls and the fissures in the earth? Hiding behind the facade and front that is portrayed.
No longer prepared to face the world, no longer wanting to face the world. Let me hide here, in my room, in my shell, in this cocoon.
And no, im not suffering from a nervous breakdown. Give me time, all will be well.
Its interesting how fast my mood can swing from extreme euphoria to depths of darkness. I claim PMS and this girl tells me not to mock them. Interesting, first time i heard such a response. Wanted to, but din. Make a comment that is.
3 Comments:
hey dude, cheer up.. if it's any consolation kenneth did manage to take my photo yesterday.. i hope it's satisfactory enough for you.
By
Anonymous, at 12:04 PM
you should just menstruate and then she'll know you're not mocking her.
By
Anonymous, at 9:27 AM
stupid keyboard. o and p so close together
By
Anonymous, at 9:28 AM
Post a Comment
<< Home